Finn, Rachel, Lotion, Oh My!
by Hitobashira Alice
Summary: After sharing an intimate session, Finn and Rachel found that their youthful, wild experimentation left them with unforeseen consequences. Will the couple get stronger after the ordeal? Or will the tragedy tear them apart? Expect the unexpected. Finn x Rachel, suggestive theme and mild angst.
1. Finn, Rachel, Lotion, Oh My!

"N-no...Finn, I can't take it anymore,"

Rachel's soft voice cracked a little as she moaned and tried to struggle, but Finn was much stronger than her. Her dads had been out of town for a week, and there was no one to hear her screams. Rachel bit her lips.

Finn looked a bit uncomfortable and stopped what he was doing. He kissed Rachel's forehead and whispered in a careful voice. Finn's breath on her ears made Rachel shiver.

"Rachel, you were the one who asked me, right? It's for your own good. So please, just bear with it."

"...mmmh..."

Although tears were slowly streaming down her face, Rachel managed to nod weakly. Finn smiled and sat straight. He grabbed the lotion bottle under the pillow. They had applied some lotion before they started, but as Rachel's moans and shrieks suggested, it was still too rough for her.

Finn squeezed white lotion from the bottle onto his palm and covered his fin, gers with it. Rachel stole a glance at Finn's hands, always so warm and firm, but instead of safety and warmth, they looked intimidating now. 'Are they always this big?' Rachel thought to herself.

"Okay, I think we should take another go at it." Finn examined his hands and looked satisfied.

"S-sure, but please gentle." Said Rachel as she wiped the tears off her face.

"You know, Rachel, it's rare to see you so...uhh...different like this." Finn sounded amused.

Finn placed his slippery and sticky index finger slowly on Rachel's face. The brunette held her breath and closed her eyes, bracing for the impact. Slowly, Finn's finger massaged the tip of Rachel's nose. Finn's thumb, middle, and ring fingers joined, and soon enough Rachel's nose was covered in a thin layer of lotion. Finn's index finger traced the edges of Rachel's right nostril...

"..Not so fast," Rachel said, without opening her eyes. Finn sighed.

"At this point, we won't finish until next year, Rachel. Should we just stop this?"

"N-No! I'm sorry, okay? Just...continue. But please..."

"...be gentle, yeah, I know."

Finn continued to massage and caress the tip of Rachel's nose for a while, and moved down to the edges of her nostrils. Rachel let out a moan and gritted her teeth. Although he normally wouldn't have the heart to continue, he had made a promise to Rachel to follow through with this, and to ignore her refusals. And even though he wouldn't ever say it out loud, he also wanted to cry, seeing Rachel so sad and vulnerable like this. Finn braced himself, and with a quick thrust, slipped his index finger into Rachel's right nostril. Rachel's body shook and she blinked. It felt so wrong, but he must admit that the insides of Rachel's nose was so warm and soft. Instinctively, Finn moved his finger deeper inside Rachel's nostril, feeling warm air everytime she let out her breath. It slipped so easily, partially because of the lotion.

He continued moving his finger in and out, allowing Rachel to get used to the movement. Rachel's body slowly became less stiff and she opened her eyes, looking at Finn's own eyes with burning determination. Finn smiled, and this time, Rachel returned that smile.

As his right index finger continued to move inside Rachel's right nostril, Finn steadily moved his left index finger onto Rachel's nose. And keeping the steady rhythm inside Rachel's right nostril, Finn's left index finger entered Rachel's other nostril. Rachel gasped and opened her mouth to take air, her nasal passage completely blocked by Finn's sizely fingers.

Rachel had never felt anything like this in her life before. Sure, she had picked her nose once or twice before, in the privacy of her room, since it was such an unladylike behaviour, but to have someone else's finger inside her nose was such a completely different sensation. It felt so wrong and dirty, but at the same time, so...warming, as it was as if their body became one.

And just as Rachel began to felt the ectasy in her nose, they heard the front door open. Rachel's blood froze. Finn looked pale and confused.

"Wha-who?"

"I...I think it must be my dads! They said they'd arrive this evening! We should just continue this later, Finn! I can't let them see us like this!"

"Y-Yeah, of course! Urgh..."

Finn pulled both of his fingers inside Rachel's nose, but...

"I...I think they're stuck!"


	2. Finn, Kurt, Hospital, Oh My!

"Rachel? Are you there, dear? We're home!" one of Rachel's dads called out from downstairs. Rachel looked at me, looking desperate and confused. Although I really wanted to look confident and calm, the reflection of myself on Rachel's eyes looked just as confused as she was. With my fingers still firmly stuck inside Rachel's warm and soft nostrils, I desperately looked for a way out of this mess. And just then, I saw it.

"Rachel! We have to get out of your room!"

"We can't! My dads are coming upstairs! I can hear their footsteps!"

"No, I mean...we should leave from the windows."

Rachel opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. She eyed the window and looked back at me. I felt like I had said something stupid again, but to my surprise, she nodded.

"I guess there's no other way, is there?"

"Yeah. Besides, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?"

Although we were in a dire situation, I couldn't help but feel a sense of joy building up inside me. As we walked carefully to the window, we could hear one of Rachel's dad knocking on the door, calling for her. Avoiding the furnitures were a bit hard because we were glued together awkwardly, but somehow we made it without making a noise.

I opened the window and felt the summer breeze coming in. The distance from the window to ground was a bit far, but there was bushes directly under the window. I glanced at Rachel, and she nodded.

So, dragging Rachel with me, I jumped through the window. The impact was frightening, but the glass shards piercing through my skin was way worse. Immediately, I felt a very different sensation the second we were outside. It almost felt like we were weightless for a second, like an eagle taking flight for the first time. But the sense of freedom and control was immediately crushed as we fell to the hard ground. The bushes didn't help much to soften our impact, and I could only feel pain throughout my body for a few seconds. Rachel, thankfully, was still breathing, as I could feel the warmth of her breath and snot on the tip of my fingers. But she looked pretty bad; glass shards had pierced her skin, and I could see one of her ribs poking out of her chest.

"F-Finn..." As Rachel spoke, blood squirted out of her chest and onto mine. My body went cold. Deep inside, I felt like this was my fault. In my panic, I brought myself to stand up straight and began to run as quick as humanly possible, dragging Rachel's body on the ground.

After half an hour, I finally reached the nearest hospital, the Lima Hospital. Along the way, people looked at us weirdly, but hopefully I managed to throw off the suspicion by covering Rachel with a sheet I borrowed from her neighbour's laundry.

I could hardly feel my legs anymore, but that was no reason to stop running until I found the Emergency Ward. Rachel's breath had gotten weaker by every minute passed, and the protrusion on her chest towered like a monument of despair. A group of doctor approached us, and we were taken to the surgery room. Last thing I remembered was an anesthesist telling me to take a deep breath...

When I opened my eyes, I could only faintly remember my dream about a white station platform, a creepy fava bean baby, and an old guy with long white beard. From the soft bed underneath me and that ever so familiar antiseptic smell, I knew I was in a hospital room. The first thing on my mind was Rachel. I tried to sit straight, but my injuries denied my attempt. I looked around the clean hospital room and spotted a nurse who was tending some sort of machinery next to my bed. After collecting what was left of my strength, I managed to force the words out of my mouth.

"Rachel...? Where is she..?"

Thankfully, the nurse noticed my hoarse voice and turned to face me. But when I saw her face, my heart skipped a beat. It wasn't a nurse. It wasn't even a woman. It was...

"Finn! You're awake! Thank goodness!"

"K-Kurt...? Why?"

"Well, someone has to look over you, you know. Your mother just left like five minutes ago and asked me to take over." Said Kurt Hummel, my step-brother and fellow New Directions member, as he walked to my bed suggestively, shaking his ass like a frog in a blender during an earthquake.

"And...Rachel...?"

Kurt sat on the edge of my bed, caressing my cheek. I was too weak to protest, much less to push him away. He sighed when he saw the look of discontent I gave him.

"You should really stop thinking about girls, Finn, especially Rachel! There are still a lot of boys in this world, you know. But, if you must know, she's fine. The doctors performed a surgery and she's resting in the room next door. So you shouldn't worry about her."

Kurt giggled and leaned over me. His porcelain-like face was so close to mine I could smell his breath. His expression was like a boy who just got a new toy to play with. He whispered to my ear, his voice so playful.

"The doctor will come back fifteen minutes from now. Why don't we have some fun first."

My heart froze. I had known for a long time that Kurt had a crush on me and sometimes he took it to creepy degrees, but...I thought we had understood each other. I tried to scream, but my voice was weak and barely audible, even to myself.

"...no."

"That's not the correct answer, Finn!"

He laughed. The laugh was mischievous, if not cruel. With a quick and sudden movement, he threw the blanket that covered me to the floor. He positioned himself gently on my legs. The direness of the situation almost made me want to cry, something I hadn't done for so long. But he was only getting started.

Kurt's hand slithered under my shirt, skin to skin. I shivered, as I had never been touched this way by another man before, nurse outfit or not. But I couldn't help but notice that his skin was soft, just like a girl's hand. He slowly pulled my shirt up, to the point where my stomach was completely exposed. He lowered his head and even though I couldn't see him clearly, the sensation of his tongue was impossible to mistake; it was warm and soft, yet it feels so strange.

He looked up to see my reaction and he seemed satisfied.

"Not so powerful now are you, Finn?"

I could only grit my teeth to prepare for the next impact. He continued to wet my stomach with his saliva, licking my stomach thoroughly, up and down...Except for my bellybutton, which he left alone for some reason. And soon enough I learned why.

He softly traced the perimeter of my bellybutton with his finger, which sent an unexplained sensation to my body. He giggled, noticing my reaction. Then he pulled out a bottle from inside his nurse outfit's skirt. I couldn't see what it was, but unexpectedly Kurt held out the bottle in front of my face. It was a bottle of whipped cream. He teasingly sprayed some whipped cream onto his left hand and licked it.

He proceeded to squeeze out some cream onto my bellybutton. The sensation, although I would never say it, was almost erotic. I had never, even in my wildest drime, had my bellybutton filled with soft cream. But Kurt wasn't satisfied with that. He licked the whipping cream off my bellybutton. After he finished the cream, he proceeded to lick inside me.

"No...not there. It's dirty."

Yet the strangest thing happened to me. I actually...liked it. I got excited. It would have been a normal reaction if it were a girl, but Kurt was the one who did (and was doing) the licking. His tongue felt really good inside me. The sensation made my whole body wanted to scream. A taboo scream of pleasure. All I could muster, however, was a weak moan.

"It seems you're getting into this, Finn. Shall we see how much can you take then?"

One of Kurt's fingers slowly entered my bellybutton creek. I never felt anything like that in my life before, but it wasn't an unpleasant sensation. As Kurt moved his finger in and out in a rhythm, I became more relaxed and before I knew it my body betrayed me by following Kurt's rhythm.

"Kurt...Kurt..."

"Finn...Oh Finn..."

When his finger finally touched the most sensitive spot, the base of my bellybutton creek, my mind went blank because of how good it felt. The feeling was familiar, just like the times I messed around with Quinn or Rachel, but this time, it was much stronger and more real.

Finally Kurt retracted his finger. From his breathing, I could tell that Kurt just experienced the same sensation as I did. I felt our bonds had gotten stronger. Kurt looked at me longingly, and this time I did not look away. He smiled.

"Well, I guess that's enough for now. You really should get some more rest, Finn. Don't worry, I'm staying with you."

Kurt sat down on a chair next to my bed. I didn't know whether it was intentional or not, but Kurt didn't make any attempt to cross his legs like he usually did, allowing me to see everything inside his short nurse skirt. He winked. Okay, that was intentional.

I was starting to doze off when I felt an itch on my nose. I left my right hand to scratch my nose and I thought I was still in a nightmare, as my right hand wasn't there. My lower arm ended in a stump where my hand usually belonged. I screamed and passed out.


	3. Finn, Rachel, Nurse, Oh My!

When I came back to my senses, a doctor was standing next to my bed, observing me intently. Next to him was a nurse holding a clipboard full of papers.

"Ah, Mr. Hudson, how are you feeling this morning?"

"DOCTOR!" I sat straight with a bit of an effort, "my hand…my right hand is missing!"

The doctor looked slightly remorseful and avoided my gaze, choosing to inspect the headboard of the bed instead. I didn't know what was so interesting about it, but I was not a doctor.

"Well, yes, we had to surgically remove it. It was the only way. We're really sorry, but it was a life-threatening situation."

I felt my heart sank. I dropped myself on the bed, my energy drained.

"But…but why? We only did it once…it was our first time," I said. My mind was still trying to deny the gravity of the situation, trying to distance myself from the reality. It just could not be real. Not for me. It was something that happened to other people, stupid teenagers I read about in the news. Not me.

My eyes felt hot and wet from unshed tears.

"Nasal stimulation is a very risky act that carries with it the possibility of such accidents, regardless of the frequency. Some people do it daily for years without contracting anything, while others…are not so lucky," explained the doctor.

"What will…what will happen to me now?"

"Thankfully we have excellent choices for young people like you, Mr. Hudson – reliable and affordable prosthetics options. We will discuss it with your parents, but that can wait until your recovery."

When the doctor mentioned my parents, guilt washed over me. How did my mother react to the news? I wanted, I needed to see her and apologize.

"Where's my Mom?"

"She's downstairs, taking care of the administration. She told me to tell you not to worry," said the nurse.

She smiled unpleasantly and giggled, "I wonder how she will pay for it. A surgery like that was not cheap, you know? Maybe she will have to become a stripper."

"Hey!" I frowned. That was unnecessary.

"Oh, sorry," she did not sound apologetic at all. She put out her tongue like an unruly child.

"Would you like to see Ms. Berry?" asked the doctor, oblivious to the nurse's bullying.

"Of course!" I answered nearly instinctively, "how is she? Is she okay?"

"She's well. We'll leave you for now," said the doctor as he left with the mean nurse.

"Oh, but before that…" he stopped just before exiting the room. He approached the head of the bed I was in and began to remove the headboard he was looking at. "I think this is a really nice headboard. You wouldn't mind, would you? My son would love it."

"Go ahead."

The doctor left, carrying my headboard with him. I was left alone once again. But before long, I heard the door open. It was Rachel, clad in hospital gown, and with a big object hanging from her right nostril – my hand.

My jaw dropped. Rachel, however, was smiling despite that my dangling, disembodied hand swayed as he walked towards me. She put her hand tenderly on my forehead.

"How are you feeling?"

"Wha…what…why is my hand dangling from your nose?"

"Oh, this?" she giggled, "the doctor said it would be too dangerous to detach it, so we agreed to leave it in my nose for now. But…I actually want leave it inside me…permanently. That way, we can always be connected."

Despite her smile, her eyes glazed as she looked at me.

"But of course, if you don't want to…the doctor said he can remove it once I get better."

Suddenly, my heart felt like lead as it sunk. I had been so selfish. I was ashamed by my childish whining. I could learn to write with my left hand. But having Rachel and I eternally collected, it was priceless.

"No, of course you can keep it." I said.

"Oh, Finn. Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"This means a lot to me too," I smiled and brushed her hair with my fingers, "you look so beautiful.."

"Yeah, your hand goes well with my complexion."

We laughed. All my worry went away, and even my body felt less stiff. I felt rejuvenated.

Rachel put her hand on my chest.

"I'm glad you look healthy."

"Mm, you look good too."

Rachel lowered her head and kissed me. The sensation of her lips on mine made my heart beat faster. Both Rachel and I got into it, kissing again and again with youthful vigor. I enjoyed her smell, her touch, the way her hair softly tickled the side of my face.

After about a dozen kisses – which left my face wet and dripping with a mixture of Rachel's saliva and mine – we stopped.

"Oh Finn, I want to do more with you."

"Me too, Rachel. I want it more than the world. But you know we can't do it here and not with me like this."

"Yeah, I guess," Rachel agreed, "maybe…you know, I can do it with the doctor instead?"

"Uhh, let me think."

I did not want Rachel to mess around with the doctor, to have another man's skin upon her. But I also didn't want her to feel down and unfulfilled because of me. I had enough of being selfish.

"Of course," I forced a smile, "just until I get better ,okay?"

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Rachel planted a few more kisses, "you are the best boyfriend anyone could ever have,"

"And you are the best girlfriend,"

Rachel frolicked out of the room, leaving me alone once again. I wept in silence.s


	4. Rachel, Doctor, Examination, Oh My!

Doctor Noah Puckerman was in his office, rereading the medical reports of his patients, a habit that he had taken up ever since he first worked as a doctor. Some of his colleagues teased him about it, calling him a workaholic. Dr. Noah – or Puck to his friends – just laughed it off. But today, there was one certain patient that made him reread the files with more attention than he had used to do.

Rachel Berry. Seventeen years old, of Jewish descent. Height: 5'33, weight: 121 lbs. Supple, pouting breasts. Firm thighs. Beautiful Jewish face with a shapely nose and mesmerizing eyes. It was too bad that she had to be hospitalized for unprotected nasal intercourse. He would love to examine her nose, feel every curves, and taste the warm, pink walls of her nostrils with his own fingers.

At least he got her phone number, Facebook account, AND address.

Just as he was packing his papers and personal belongings, a ritual he always followed after his shift ended, there was a knock on the door.

Thinking that it was a nurse that wanted to subtly flirt with him (probably Mallory) or a cranky and slightly senile patient (good old Mrs. Lindton, always confusing the hours of the day), Puck bellowed at the door, feeling annoyed. He wanted to go home and entertain himself with the thought of Rachel Berry.

"Come in!"

When the door opened, he thought that he was sick - perhaps food poisoning, or fatigue. After all, it was impossible that his newfound goddess was standing in the door way. But she was real.

Rachel Berry, dressed in a blue hospital robe that failed to hide the beauty of her body's natural curves, walked in. She looked straight at Puck's eyes, which forgot how to blink and could only greedily take in the sight of her lustful gaze.

As she walked closer, Finn Hudson's hand swayed elegantly from her right nostril, not unlike a blade of grass in the autumn wind.

"Doctor? Am I bothering you?"

When he tried to speak, he just realized that his mouth had been widely open, and he blushed slightly. He arduously focused his mind on staying calm, trying to reassure him that she only wanted to see him in purely medical – and professional – matter.

"No, of course not, Ms. Berry. Although I must say that if you needed something, I assure you that the nurses would be more than happy to help you."

"I'm sure they would, Doctor. But this is something that only you can help."

Rachel took a chair and sat in front of him, bowing forward slightly. Her bosom could be partially seen from the loose neck of her robe. Puck felt that the front side of his trousers slowly became tighter.

"What could it be?"

"You know, it's kind of embarrassing."

"I heard that a lot. Just bare it all…I mean, you know, uh, whatever you are feeling in your crotch – uh, no. Damn. Sorry."

Puck hated himself and wanted nothing more than to go home and bury his face in his pillow.

Rachel put her hand on Puck's knee.

"No, I understand. I want you to take a look at my ears."

"Ears? I suggest you visit the ear, nose, and throat doctor, Miss Berry."

"You can call me Rachel. And it's killing me, Doctor. I think the otolaryngologist's out for the day anyway. Would you just take a look at it?"

Rachel smiled sweetly as she moved her hand back and forth, rubbing the doctor's thigh. Puck was close to erupting.

"Ahem. Very well then, Mis—I mean, Rachel. Please lie down."

Puck turned his face away, thankful for a moment to compose himself. He took his stethoscope and a small flashlight. For extra measure, he opened a small box on the corner of his desk and took out a small glass vial. He opened a new package of a disposable syringe, filled it with the blue liquid from the vial, and injected himself with a dose of tranquilizer used for general anesthesia.

Just in a few seconds, his mind cleared. He felt much more relaxed and he could even feel blood leaving his personal parts.

"Okay, let's take a loo—BLUH BLUH?!"

Rachel Berry indeed did as instructed, lying on her back on the check-up bed. But the blue robe she wore was crumpled on the floor. Rachel Berry was in her birthday suit, baring every inch of her lovely skin-colored body.

"I hope you don't mind, good Doctor. It was getting...hot in here," said Rachel as she scratched her inner thighs, "I'm in heat, like a cat wearing a coat in summer."

Puck's being was a statue of marble - well-sculpted, unmoving, and hard. His patient giggled, clearly amused by the unexpectedly adorable side.

"Doctor?"

The neurons passed the neuro-transmitters from one Noah Puckerman's sensory nerves into each other, passing the information his eyes and ears retrieved; yet, when they reached the brain, the information was left nearly unprocessed, out-vetoed by his wave of emotions.

Overloaded with information it couldn't process, the brain tried to secure more oxygen to help its work. And the heart obediently tried to pump more blood, bloating the arteries around the brain. The artery walls couldn't take it and ruptured, sending blood cells into the sensitive, slightly Jell-O-like cells.

Noah Puckerman fell onto his office's floor, dead.

Rachel sat over, slack-jawed.

"What the holy f****** f***?!" she said, her throat slightly sore from all the apostrophes.

She picked up her robe and put it on before poking Puck's dead-ass ass with the tip of her foot. Then she jumped on his face. There was no reaction at all.

Stepping off from the physician's face, Rachel knelt to take a better look at the corpse. Noah Puckerman was as beautiful in death as he was in life. The doctor's eyes and mouth were wide open in awe, blood coming out of his nose. His trademark toothbrush hair looking as prim as ever.

It was one of the hardest moral dilemma in Rachel Berry's life. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. After careful pondering for more than half a minute, lust won over ethics.

Rachel was not used to be the dominant one. Sure, she and Finn had traded places more than once, but only when both of them were feeling adventurous. She had enjoyed it fine, but doing it with a lifeless body just gave it that little something extra to kick it up a notch.

She turned the head slightly so the late doctor's right ear would face her. She inspected it closely, something she had secretly always wanted to do. It was of a darker tone compared to Rachel's complexion; a delightful tan of bronze that made it look so strong and healthy, even in death. The arrangement of the folds was so beautiful and intricate, like a rare flower made out of man-meat and cartilage.

Rachel took a long sniff of the ear, both the front and the back sides. The musky smell of a man - still fresh without any decay nor rot - was intoxicating. The mixture of sweat, dirt, and lint that had accumulated felt electrifying to Rachel's nose. Even Finn's disembodied hand could not filter the odor.

After satisfied with the foreplay, Rachel stuck out her tongue and began to lick Puck's ear, starting from the outer topside. She licked along the length until the earlobe. Rachel used her mouth to nibble on it playfully. This was Finn's sensitive spot. But the cadaver somehow didn't respond at all.

Feeling challenged, she used her tongue to wet the soft flesh while she keeps nibbling. Then she upped it again, using her teeth to pleasure the lobe.

Rachel knew that it was illogical that she was upset at the lack of response. By this point, Finn usually would have moaned and called out her name. But the still-warm body of the doctor didn't even flinch. How dare he!, Rachel thought.

Now outright hurt, Rachel stuck her tongue into the ear hole without a warning. She moved her tongue with precise movements indicating her experience. She covered every inch of skin, even between the folds, in her high school girl saliva.

The taste of sweat and ear wax was even greater than the smell, making it hard for Rachel to concentrate. She moved her legs uncomfortably.

Still no reaction. If anything, the body had cooled down slightly. It was outrageous. She had thought that he had liked her. She had never been this ashamed, she felt that he had rejected her. She was not good enough.

Frowning, Rachel said to the deceased Puck.

"What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Do you want me to bite off your ear?"

She bit hard at Puck's ear. Nothing. Rachel continued on and on, the iron taste of blood filled her mouth as the ears began to be torn apart from his head. Finally, with a decisive snap, the ear was entirely cut off, leaving a bleeding hole.

"Ha! Haw d'you likh ith nowh, Dochtoh?" she said, her mouth full of Puck's ear - mostly intact, as she made sure to bite at where the ear was connected to the side of the head - and blood.

She punched Puck square in the face, breaking his nose. When he STILL didn't react, Rachel thought something was weird. Noticing that his eyes didn't even blink and, after carefully putting her pointer finger under his nose, that he wasn't breathing, Rachel noticed her mistake.

"Ooh yeah, he wash dhed," she spoke to no one in particular.

If anyone were seeing it, Rachel would have wanted to bury her head in the sand. But thankfully they were alone and nobody would have to know about this. First thing first, she must pry off the ear from her teeth, as it was uncomfortable and made it hard for her to speak.

She moved the ear a bit. She tried to pull it off, but it was stuck between her teeth. Risking pain, she pulled and twisted even harder, but it just wouldn't come off. After minutes of trying, it was, unmistakably, an impossible task.

"OH NOOOOOOO!"


	5. Finn, Rachel, Lord Tubbington, Oh My!

It had been nearly a week since Finn and Rachel were released from the hospital. Life at McKinley's had continued as usual even without them. As scheduled, a Glee club's meeting was in order. The Glee club members filled the classroom, alone, in pairs, or in a group. Nearly everyone had arrived when Mr. Schue, the Glee club advisor, entered. His hair perfectly imitating a lovingly crafted bird's nest.

"Hey, guys."

He looked at the students, counting them in his head. His gaze stopped at Finn, who was sitting next to Kurt – persistently trying to cop a feel of Finn's thighs – and an empty chair.

"Rachel's still not here, huh?"

Finn was distracted, trying to swat away Kurt's grabby hands, and did not respond.

"Finn? Is she okay?"

He finally turned his attention away from Kurt, who greedily took the opportunity to open his step-brother's fly and lovingly caressed the front side of Finn's boxers.

"Oh. Well, Rachel...she said she's fine. She just needs some time...adjusting, Mr. Schue."

"I see. Well, let's hope she will join us soo-" said Mr. Schue before he was interrupted.

"I heard she's got some guy's ear stuck in her mouth."

Everyone turned to look at Brittany. She looked blissfully calm with her usual dopey smile.

Finn's heart froze. Nobody was supposed to know about that. They had been very careful and precise. Even the ongoing police's investigation hadn't discovered the doctor's body, hidden away in the Berrys' basement. They were planning to ship it off, part by part, to different countries.

"What? She has another guy's part in her? What a skank. Is your hand not enough?" said Santana in a fiery temperament. Everyone knew that she was still pissed because Brittany wouldn't agree to let her hand amputated to put in _her _nose.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, Dora. Nobody talks to Finn that way!" spat Kurt. He put back Finn's manhood, which he had rubbed into a respectable size, back into his boxers, and stood up.

Santana rose up from her seat, ready to fight.

"Bring it, you little Orphan Annie!"

"Guys! Guys, calm down!" yelled Mr. Schue. Santana and Kurt stopped begrudgingly and sat down. Everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.

"Brittany, where did you hear that from?" asked Mr. Schue.

"Lord Tubbington," answered Brittany, feeling happy that everyone was paying attention to her, "he had been coming home late these few days. He said he was consoling Rachel. And he tasted the ear when they were french kissing."

"Oh Great Afro-American Jesus!" yelled Mercedes, a sentiment shared by nearly everyone in the room as they made noises - gasps, shouts of shock, yelps. Brittany just looked around confused.

Finn felt something broke inside him. Then something else rose, a feeling he had never felt before. In many ways, it was reminiscent of anger. Yet it was cold and dark, unlike the familiar heat and rage.

He rose from his seat, silent, tranquil. With a swift motion, he picked up his bag and threw it over his shoulders, hitting Quinn square in the face.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry Mr. Schue, but I have to skip practice," said Finn as he walked out the door.

Not even looking back to Mr. Schue and the rest of the team, Finn left the school. He ran as fast as his feet would all to the Berry's household a few blocks away.

He jumped over the fence and walked over to the side where Rachel's bedroom window was. He thought he heard something and closed his eyes to focus. Thankfully, it was a quiet evening in the neighborhood.

"Yeah...unh...Tubbing-...put it deep-"

"Meowww!"

It was, unmistakably, the sound of one Rachel Berry. The diva of the Glee club. The girlfriend of Finn Hudson.

Finn examined the lawn he was standing at. It was well-cared of, with tasteful landscaping and ornaments. There was a fist-sized rock lying near a patch of begonia bushes. Finn picked it up and threw it at a window on the first floor, smashing the window into countless shards of glass.

He then jumped through the window frame, ignoring the pain of glass shards cutting into him. He landed in the living room and made his way to Rachel's room on the second floor. He put all his weight into slamming the door, throwing it off the handles.

"Rachel! How dare you!"

Rachel Berry was lying on her bed. Brittany's fat tabby cat, Lord Tubbington was on top of Rachel facing away from her, his long, furry tail inside Rachel's mouth. The couple jumped in shock by the sudden intrusion. Lord Tubbington hid under the bed.

"F-Finn? I can explain this!" said Rachel clearly. She had gotten used to speaking with the doctor's ear in her mouth after hours of training.

"Oh, okay," said Finn calmly. He sat down on the bed next to Rachel. She gently put her hand on Finn's and held it.

"Thank you, I know you'll understand. So..." Rachel took to the middle of the bedroom. She turned on a record player and a jazzy, upbeat tune played. Finn didn't recognize the song.

"From when we killed the physician, I thought all was over

I was in such a deep misery, scared of the police's sirene," Rachel started singing, her melodious voice flawlessly timed to match the tune.

It was an original composition, unlike anything Finn's heard. Yet it was really beautiful, perfectly written and sung. Finn's eyes had gotten teary even just one verse in.

"But then one day, a cat named Lord Tubbington visited over

The sound of his footsteps and his cute meowing are like a siren's"

Rachel started to dance. She put up her left foot on her right knee and bounced around gaily while shaking her head, her luscious brown hair elegantly waving through the air. She was like an endangered crane, fluttering in the eternal hope of finding a mate to continue the legacy of its species.

"So I took him to my bed and we chatted all night

He was such a fluffy and understanding pussy."

Rachel put all her strength on her right foot and bounced high. In the air, she pushed her torso forward to rotate her body vertically, her head lunging toward the floor. She swiftly extended her hands before she touched the floor. The vigor and precision of her movements pitched a tent in Finn's trousers.

"When I was with him everything felt so right

Every time he licked and ravaged my p-"

"Bravo! Bravo!" Finn stood up and clapped. Tears were streaming down his eyes like the Niagara Falls. The tears of pride and joy dropped with such succulence onto the floor of Rachel Berry's bedroom and shattered into dozens of tiny droplets, each brilliant in its own ways.

Rachel was flabbergasted by the heartfelt reception. Her plan to announce her infidelity was turned around on its head. She stunned in place, the music still playing in the background as Finn embraced her.

"No, Finn, I wanted to tell you that I-"

Finn smacked her in the mouth.

"Ssh, it's okay. I know what you want to tell me."

"Y-you do?" said Rachel, her lips still painfully stinging from the slap, but cautiously optimistic.

"Yeah! Let's record this song and become millionaires!"

"Wait, that's not what-"

"I can see it already! First we'll record the song, then we'll hire Ang Lee to direct the music video and let's do a national tour! No, international tour, even!"

"Finn! Listen! Lord Tubbington and me, we are-"

Finn let go of Rachel and picked up the lumpy cat. He growled lazily. Finn's eyes were bright with his visions for the future.

"That's genius! Of course! Let's have him in the video! Everyone likes cats!"

"Well, I-"

"No time to waste! Let's go find a recording studio!"

Finn threw Rachel over his shoulder and jumped out of the window.

"Noooooooooooo!"


End file.
